Rather hide than approach an attractive woman?
This feeling is called "approach anxiety" in the dating world, and it's no fun.
Approach anxiety isn’t just a challenge for introverted guys — no matter how extroverted they are, men rarely love sticking their necks out with strangers 😬
Ready to overcome approach anxiety in your dating life?
Here are three strategies to get over approach anxiety, and feel more confident approaching women 👇
Let’s take a step back for a second to level-set. Unless you want to:
You must learn to approach women in-person!
Guess what — that's OK!
Everything worthwhile in life (particularly attracting an awesome romantic partner!) requires stepping outside of your comfort zone.
In fact you’ll definitionally experience discomfort when you push yourself to do something new, like approaching women.
Why?
Discomfort is your body’s way of saying “I’m going beyond my current limits.”
💡 Like weightlifting, to get stronger at approaching women, you have to endure a little discomfort.
This quote from famous investor Ray Dalio captures this concept perfectly:
“I saw that to do exceptionally well you have to push your limits and that, if you push your limits, you will crash and it will hurt a lot. You will think you have failed—but that won't be true unless you give up.”
For better or for worse, dating requires a lot of "crashing."
Why?
Realistically, you’re incompatible with >90% of women:
Many men mistakenly assume falsehoods like “if I were taller, or more handsome, more women would want to date to me…”
(This mindset reminds me of the 6 6 6 rule, btw!)
Guess what though?
No matter how tall, or how handsome, or how wealthy you are...
You're still going to get turned down a lot.
Once you’ve internalized the fact that >90% of the time you approach a woman it won’t go anywhere, no matter who you are, it’s a lot easier to approach women without the expectations that cause approach anxiety.
So, the next time you’re feeling anxious about approaching a woman...
Do four things:
The #1 complaint I hear from men, particularly smart introverted men, about approaching women in-person is...
“I hate small talk!”
This may be true, but...
Hating small talk is a crappy excuse for being alone!
No one loves making small talk, particularly with total strangers 👥
The smart guys who land awesome, attractive partners hate small talk too. So they avoid it, and focus on meeting women in contexts where small talk isn’t required.
Believe it or not, most single women are open to meeting guys literally anywhere.
All that matters is being deliberate about spending time places you feel comfortable (or, as comfortable as possible) starting conversations.
Need help?
The first two steps, (1) level-setting, and (2) playing to your strengths, can help you approach more women.
Still, my clients who are most successful attracting quality partners do a third thing that dramatically increases the number of women they meet, and therefore gives them the most (and highest quality) options…
What does this mean?
Try creating rules for yourself that force you to interact with women. For example:
I’ve had a client who told me how he literally took an unnecessary midnight trip out for groceries because he’d committed to talking to a woman every day, and hadn’t had the chance earlier in the day.
It almost goes without saying that guy landed an awesome girlfriend fast!
To recap, the most important strategies for reducing your approach anxiety are:
Now that you feel less anxious, here are 3 ideas to have more fun and options dating...
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