Are Matchmaking Services Worth It?
Are matchmaking services worth it?
As someone who runs a high-end matchmaking service, you might expect me to say yes, but at least for most singles...
My honest answer is no.
I receive ≥50 applications from men who want to hire me to set them up every week, and I reject >90% of them.
This isn't because my matchmaking service is so exclusive, though I admittedly don't choose to work with everyone!
Matchmaking would simply be a bad investment for most singles.
I've been a professional matchmaker for long enough to know that accepting a client who won't find value in my service is always a mistake.
Let's talk about why, and whether matchmaking is worth it for you.
Before we dive in, if we haven't met...
I'm Blaine Anderson, and I'm a professional matchmaker and dating coach for men.
You might recognize me from the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Shark Tank (Mark Cuban offered me a deal on Season 15) or even social media, where >1 million people follow me for dating advice.
Without further ado, let's explore whether matchmaking is worth it for you!
What a matchmaking service actually doES
First, we should discuss what a matchmaker actually does, because that provides key context for the conversation about whether matchmaking is worthwhile.
Think of a matchmaker like a headhunter for your dating life.
You tell your matchmaker who you're looking to meet, and (assuming they're good) your matchmaker moves finds them, and makes the introduction.
This involves a lot of skilled work. Your matchmaker must be able to:
- Read between the lines, and use good judgment to understand who you actually want to meet
- Get you prepared to meet and attract the types of matches you're looking for
- Know how to find potential matches through their personal network, online, or out-and-about in real life
- Be trustworthy and connected enough that potential matches want to learn more
- Make sure there's a mutal match, and pitch you in the right light, while using discretion
- Help you orchestrate dates, and incorporate your feedback afterwards
- Enthusiastically repeat the process, because your first match is seldom your last
So with all that in mind...
When is hiring a matchmaker worth it?
There are 3 traits I look for in clients to feel confident that they'll find my matchmaking service (or frankly any matchmaking service) worthwhile:
1. Meeting the right person is the challenge.
You seldom encounter single women you're excited about, but you know what you want, and you're ready for a relationship. Better introductions from a matchmaker would address a specific, and acute, problem in your dating life.
2. You feel confident once you get a date.
You may not be Casanova, but you can connect with a woman you like over dinner, and you're seldom receiving the "I didn't feel a spark..." text after your dates.
3. You can afford to spend money to save time.
You're career as led you to a place where you can spend a significant amount of money to hire a skilled professional to search for, and screen, potential partners.
Incidentally, matchmaking is not worth it for most people for similar reasons, and we'll get deeper on these right now!
Reason #1: Matchmaking is expensive
The first reason why matchmaking is wrong for most singles is that matchmaking is quite expensive.
We'll get into pricing specifics in a moment, but first, at a high level, matchmaking is expensive because of the nature of the service:
- First, your matchmaker has to find potential matches that seem to meet your criteria. This can involve dozens hours of pounding the pavement, phoning in favors from friends, or searching online.
- Then, your matchmaker has to actually talk to those potential matches, and understand if you’re compatible. This takes time too, and depending on who you’re looking to meet, your matchmaker may need to chat with a dozen or more candidates to find just one true match.
- Then, you have to be interested in meeting the match. If your matchmaker is good, they won't propose introductions that they don't think you'll be excited about, but not every client accepts every introduction.
- Then, you meet for a date, and see where things go. A matchmaker can only screen for so much, and chemistry isn't easy to predict, so while a relationship may develop; more often than not, we're headed back to step 1.
If you're mathematically inclined, you can see where I'm going with this:
- Take the multi-hour search for one person you might be interested in...
- Multiply that by as many as a dozen phone conversations required to find one person who’s a good mutual match to produce just one introduction...
- Multiply that by however many matches you think you'll reject for each match you're willing to meet...
- Multiply that by however many matches you think it takes to find the right person...
Basically, your matchmaker may spend hundreds of hours finding and vetting matches for you over the course of an engagement.
And this isn't low-skilled work. Low-skilled people won’t have the right connections to attractive singles you want to meet, and can’t be trusted to vet potential matches for your criteria.
How much does matchmaking actually cost?
At Dating By Blaine, matchmaking searches start at $35,000.
That's the starting price for my service, rather than an industry-wide minimum. Different matchmaking services may cost dramatically more or less.
There's no one set price for my matchmaking service because every search is different. Two key questions shape the difficulty (and therefore price) of a client's search:
- How hard will it be to find the type of woman a client wants to meet?
- How likely is that woman to want to meet the client?
A narrow set of criteria for matches can make a client's search much more demanding (read: expensive). Also, a higher budget doesn't create mutual attraction where it doens't exist.
Anyway, the point is that matchmaking isn't worth it for most singles, because a five-figure investment isn't in-budget for most singles.
Reason #2: Matchmakers can't guarantee outcomes
You may be thinking:
Sure $35,000 sounds like a lot, but if you actually find my wife, that's a great deal...
The problem is that a matchmaker may not find your wife, and you pay either way.
This is true even though many matchmaking services publish claims on their websites like "89% success rate!"
If matchmaking service was successful ~90% of the time, they'd accept clients on contingency.
They don't. Matchmakers charge upfront, in full.
That's not to suggest that matchmaking doesn't work. It often does!
But the success rate conversation is always more nuanced than the big services' statistics suggest, and not every search yields a happy relationship.
A matchmaker can make commitments about the service they deliver. They can't control whether two people fall in love, stay together, or decide to get married.
The point is, your matchmaking search may be successful, but it may not be, and you're paying for a service, not an outcome.
Matchmaking is only worth it if you're comfortable with that.
On that note, be sure to understand what service your matchmaker is actually agreeing to provide before sending any money, because different matchmakers make very different commitments with their packages.
For example, my matchmaking packages typically include a minimum of 10 introductions over the course of 6 months, but some matchmakers guarantee literally nothing.
Read the actual terms of your matchmaker's client agreement, rather than assuming every service offers the same thing!
Reason #3: Many singles don't need introductions
Even for singles who can comfortably afford matchmaking, the third and third and biggest reason it may not be worth it is that matchmaking may not solve the right problem.
For example, you may know someone who's single because:
- They need more dating experience, or...
- They feel uncomfortable showing romantic interest, or...
- They have unrealistic expectations for a partner, or...
- They lack room in their life for a relationship...
None of that makes you a bad candidate for love, but it does change what kind of service is likely to help.
One archetype I see all the time personally is the successful, introverted man who has a lot to offer, but little dating experience. He assumes that being introduced to the "right" woman will solve all his problems, and wants me to set him up.
The problem is that if he's not confident on dates, or doesn't know how to create romantic chemistry, introductions won't help him much. Matchmaking may just lead to more rejections, and he'll land in a worse place than where he started.
If that sounds like you, I have almost a decade of experience as a dating coach, and I'd recommend starting with coaching.
Developing your confidence and dating skills will help you make more of the opportunities you already have (and future introductions through matchmaking, if it becomes a better fit down the road!)
Anyway, to tie this point together:
- If your biggest dating bottleneck is genuinely that you're not meeting the right women, matchmaking may be worth it!
- If your biggest dating bottleneck is that you're actually not ready to date the women you're interested in, matchmaking probably isn't worth it!
Questions to ask before hiring a matchmaking service
If you're still with me, and you think there's a good chance matchmaking sounds worth it for you, here are questions you should ask any matchmaker you're considering engaging:
- How will you find potential matches for me?
- What experience do you have with searches like mine, given my location and criteria?
- How do you screen potential matches, and confirm they want to meet me?
- Does my agreement promise a certain number of introductions, and if so, what counts as an introduction?
- What is the total cost of the service, and what is included or charged separately?
- How will you use my feedback if an introduction isn't the right fit for me?
- What happens if the terms we agreed to aren't met, and what are the cancellation or refund terms?
At least for my service, you can find the answers to many of these questions on my main Dating By Blaine matchmaking page, and we can discuss any other questions you have 1x1.
Recap & Next steps
We discussed 3 criteria you should consider to understand if matchmaking is worth it for you:
- Can you afford a five-figure financial investment?
- Are you comfortable with the fact that investment is for a service, not an outcome?
- Are you actually ready for a relationship if you're introduced to the right person?
Answered "yes" to each of these questions, and interested in working with me and my team to find your person?
Let's chat! Apply to work with us here, and I'll be in touch via email, usually within 24 hours.
P.S. I also recorded a video version of this article, which you can watch here, if you're curious!